What makes the stuff you buy at a high end coffee retailer so much more expensive than the freeze dried stuff I have in the cabinet? I have a theory...
The coffee at the high end retailer goes through a very difficult and specialized journey so that it is the most unique, mind blowing experience that anyone should be able to enjoy...legally. This process starts when it is planted by left handed Buddist Monk transplants with birthdays on the 7th of the month. The plants are then strictly watered by the tears of vegan nudist colonies who drink nothing by purified water. Sunlight is diverted to each plant through a series of mirrors from the coordinates 32.20 N, 64.45 W. Then within 7 minutes of each plant becoming mature an army of 4 year olds converge upon each plant to pluck the beans to be cleaned in the fountain of youth and package by unicorns and delivered to their store in a dirty 18-wheeler (who's dirt was strategically placed for effect). That is why my latte was $11.95 this morning. I'm going to sit in the corner and drink it now.
The coffee at the high end retailer goes through a very difficult and specialized journey so that it is the most unique, mind blowing experience that anyone should be able to enjoy...legally. This process starts when it is planted by left handed Buddist Monk transplants with birthdays on the 7th of the month. The plants are then strictly watered by the tears of vegan nudist colonies who drink nothing by purified water. Sunlight is diverted to each plant through a series of mirrors from the coordinates 32.20 N, 64.45 W. Then within 7 minutes of each plant becoming mature an army of 4 year olds converge upon each plant to pluck the beans to be cleaned in the fountain of youth and package by unicorns and delivered to their store in a dirty 18-wheeler (who's dirt was strategically placed for effect). That is why my latte was $11.95 this morning. I'm going to sit in the corner and drink it now.